Monday, 24 November 2014

Day 75- Serves Me Right

Today has been unpleasant. I woke up still feeling delicate from this weekend. Part of me wonders whether my body is just in shock from the alcohol and food after clean living for the past 3 months, and I've got a sneaking suspicion I feel like crap because I ate bread yesterday. I'm all bloated and feel a bit like I've been hit by a truck. When I make it to maintainence and we reintroduce food on a weekly basis it's going to be really interesting to see how I feel on bread week.

With utter horror I realised that I have two personal training sessions this week and one of them was this afternoon. I appreciate I can expect limited sympathy as it's completely self-inflicted but I did feel very pitiful today.

My first food pack today was difficult. My stomach is still feeling a bit off so I waited until I felt hungry before eating one and then my tummy was grateful for the food. It was kind of interesting to be hungry as when you are in ketosis you don't feel hungry hardly ever. It was very similar to when eating the sandwich yesterday- a physical sensation that felt a bit blank.

It took me a while to realise the blankness was the lack of emotional input. I ate the sandwich because my stomach needed something solid, not because I was hungry or emotional, and it wasn't at all interesting. I think food is becoming something much more mundane for me than it has been in the past which is fascinating to me! When I was hungry today it was a physical sensation but there was no sense of urgency, in fact, I was waiting for the physical signal before I tried to eat and it was a simple as that. This is very new to me. Food devoid of emotion (other than the simple pleasure of something tasting quite nice) is a completely new concept for me.

I'm also very dehydrated and have been thirsty all day. I did my training session and it kind of blew away the cobwebs but I can't say it was as pleasant as it normally is. My trainer knows about Lighterlife and actually said he thought I'd made the right decision about eating over the weeked, enjoying it, and then getting back on track. I guess that is what it's all about at the end of the day, and managing my weight in the future has to involve living in the real world.

I weighed myself this morning, convinced I would be 15 stone something, but no. I'm 14 stone 9 pounds which is what I was Saturday morning. It looks like I've just stalled ketosis rathen than piled on a load of glycogen but who knows. It could affect the scales tomorrow. Part of me kind of hopes it does, which is a little weird, but I guess I need to realise that scales go up and down depending on what you eat, but it's manageable and sticking to Lighterlife will sort it out until I'm in a place where I can use exercise and a balanced diet to manage my weight.

One thing I do feel the need to admit is that I'm writing this blog while sipping an illicit cup of tea that does indeed have milk in it. I'm done with the lack of tea to be honest. If my weight loss falls to 2 pounds a week consistently then I'll give it up again but for now I'm going to have the odd proper cup of tea. So there!

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