Monday, 10 November 2014

Day 61- Best Laid Plans

My scales are showing 15 stone 2 pounds and I can't tell you how excited that makes me feel. I'm so unbelievably close to 14 stone something I can almost taste it (or not as the case may be!). I spent some time today thinking about how being 14 stone something will feel. I genuinely cannot remember being that weight. I know I've monitored my weight since being a young teenager but the numbers are a bit blurry. I know almost 100% that I haven't been 14 stone something since being an adult and attempting to tackle my weight seriously.

My plan for today was get up at 7am to make the boy a cooked breakfast and see him off to work (dutiful wife that I am) then get myself sorted for a meeting at work at 12, then head over to the gym afterwards. I heroically got up at 7am despite having a really bad night's sleep for no apparent reason. The boy commented on my blurry red eyes over his breakfast. So I went back to bed for a couple of hours. Then I got a text from work saying the meeting had been cancelled. Well, that scuppered my saintly plan for the gym!

I got up at 10.30am and promptly messed up my breakfast of pea and ham soup by pouring too much black pepper in it by accident. I struggled with it then gave up. I did consider making another as I do have a few spare food packs, but weirdly at the moment the soup is really filling me up and I didn't think I needed any more. When I say filling, I mean, I have a bowl of soup and sit there uncomfortable for the next 30 minutes similar to if you'd just overeaten a roast dinner (mmm, roast dinner). Maybe it's because I'm working hard to fill up on the water at the moment.

I'm definitely more focused on the plan at the moment. Losing roughly a pound a day and being so close to new territory is highly motivating.

I spent some time today going through my wardrobe again. It gets easier to chuck things as time goes on. Today I got rid of some long sleeved tops that don't suit me and are so old (and look it). Don't ask me why I've been holding onto them. It's cold and I'm still refusing to wear them, so out they went. I also got rid of a couple of jumpers that are never going to look good.

I'm desperately holding onto a Christmas jumper I got last year which is too big on me and is bordering on looking silly. Last year when I'd lost a couple of stone on Atkins I was deliriously happy to buy this jumper from ASDA. It fit perfectly and really suited me, and I'd never had a Christmassy jumper before. You probably have elves or reindeers in your head but it's got a very tasteful snowflake design. I love it. There's no way I'm going to be able to wear it this year which is very sad.

I also tried on some dresses I bought last year before Christmas happened and the diet was abandoned. They now fit quite well and are pretty. I'm more of a jeans and vest top kind of girl but I do love dresses. I'm determined to have a wardrobe full of them when I'm happy with my size.

I've been making Christmas plans today too. I've been thinking long and hard about Christmas ever since I started this plan. I'm aware that my 100 days will be finished on 19 December. I committed to abstaining from food for 100 days and I'm sticking to that. I need to know I can commit and carry it out, and with no lapses or cheating, I'm pleased as punch with myself so far. However, I need a plan for what happens after that. I know I will weigh roughly 13 stone 12 pounds by then. That still leaves roughly 4 stone, maybe more, to lose. I honestly have no idea what my goal weight will be. I'm only five foot two in height but I'm curvy and would like to keep my hourglass figure. I've no desire to be skinny. (OK well maybe I do just to see what it looks like, but I know it's not realistic).

The plan I have in my mind is something I've been mulling over for a while but I've still not decided on it. The boy's family are coming to stay with us over Christmas. We've not finalised who is coming when or for how long but some of them may come for the week, others for a couple of days or less. This is a big deal as the boy has never been in a position to invite his family for Christmas, and I will be the one cooking for the week including Christmas dinner for six and a half people (the half is for the 2 year old niece). I'm very excited to show off my cooking skills!

So, my plan at the moment is that I'm going to have completed what I said I was going to do. I know that I'm going to need another 100 days or so of abstinence (I think they call it development when you've completed foundation), but I don't want to do it so strictly for another 100 days. I want to be able to have the odd planned lapse for important occasions or celebrations and have those times as learning experiences to see if I can manage myself in the real world. If I can't and it's impeding on the weight loss then I intend to be firm with myself and have no lapses.

Christmas is not a time when I want to be abstinent. Not when all of the boy's family is here and I'd doing all of the cooking. I hate to think of Christmas as my "reward" because food shouldn't be a reward. My current plan is to go back on Lighterlife properly on the 28th December because that's when we will have a weigh-in and group meeting, and I can assess the damage done over the Christmas period, which will be just over a week. Between 19-28 December, my plan is to have as many food packs as possible but also have meals with the family, probably the odd breakfast but mostly the main meals. I'll still be working over Christmas which helps as I'll have my food packs at work and avoid the work chocolates. But Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day I'm not having food packs. I am, however, going to be careful and try to manage what I'm eating. I don't intend to use it as an opportunity to make myself violently ill by seeing how many mince pies I can cram into my tummy in a 3 day period.

I've yet to discuss my plan with the counsellor, I don't know if she will approve or not. I know I don't want to not eat over Christmas and I know I want the opportunity to try and manage my calorie intake armed with the counselling tools I've learned. If I can't, at least the falling off the wagon will be limited.

No comments:

Post a Comment