Sunday, 19 October 2014

Day 39- Will-power

I'm so proud of myself for today. I've been worried about how things were going to work out with Lighterlife today and I'm really pleased. I went to Blackpool for work for the day to go on the fairground and see the illuminations (my job is great sometimes!) and I knew the day would be filled with food.

In the morning I avoided the bacon sandwiches everyone had before we left, then the McDonalds when we arrived finally in Blackpool. I'd taken 3 toffee bars with me for the day so tried to space them out. We had dinner in a fish and chip shop which was so hard. Everyone was sat around eating food that smelled amazing. I kept nursing black coffees and avoiding all the questions people were asking about me. It's nice they are concerned I'm not eating but that made it even harder- and I'm still not ready to talk to work colleagues about what I'm doing. I then avoided sugar doughnuts and then pizza when we got back to Sheffield!

As well as being proud of myself for staying strong and sticking to the plan, there were also issues at the fairground. Earlier this year I went to Alton Towers and really enjoyed the rides but struggled to fit the safety overhead harnesses on which worried me, and then at another theme park I had to get off a ride because they wouldn't fit. It was humiliating. At Blackpool Pleasure Beach I really wanted to go on all the rides because they are so much fun but I was scared of being humiliated again so chose very carefully which rides I went on. Even so, I felt very anxious queuing up. I wish things hadn't gotten to this stage, I really do.

Yet more reasons to stick to the plan.

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